NOBODY IS EXEMPT

We have to write an essay about 9/11 and our experience. I bought the DVD about the Pennsylvania flight that went down years ago. Til this day, I have been unable to watch it. My memories of that day are so fresh. I think I was truly traumatized about what I saw. How I felt at that very moment about my Country and about those who wish to harm it. It evoked anger towards those who did this, embarrassment for the leaders of this Country who were supposed to protect us, And sheer terror about what I saw on those T.V images and hearing stories about someone I knew who perished. Every time I thought about that day I pushed the thoughts out of my mind. Because thinking about that day brings it all back. But now I have an assigned essay on something I wish I could pretend never happened. Fundamentally, I know this day occurred. But how I wish it could have been prevented. And all of those lives could have been spared. I suppose I should be saving my thoughts for my Essay, but I'm trying to gather my thoughts. To blog about it is more constructive than just thinking about it.
Something that was said in class disturbed me. Actually, several things that were said disturbed me but I will reserve judgement as best as I can because I realize that ignorance is a disease that is inflicts some people.
One thing that was mentioned is how if you weren't personally affected by that day than you don't have deep emotion about it. I find that mind boggling that any HUMAN BEING could have watched those images on Television, regardless of their geographical location, and not be absolutely terrified and disgusted by how this country and our people were not only attacked, but MURDERED. I mean if you hear of a puppy being dumped off the side of the road, Don't you feel bad? If you hear of a child being abused, don't you feel bad? I think it takes a certain kind of self centered, selfish person to not feel total outrage over what happened. I wasn't in Pennsylvania when that plane went down. But Damn it, I was so devastated for those people and their families, Nor was I in the Pentagon, But my heart was still extended to everyone who was affected by that. So I'm not so sure that I would want to associate myself with any human being who lacks empathy in this way. I wouldn't be able to trust them. If your friends or family are hurt, don't you hurt too? Aren't we all created by one God? Aren't we all connected in some way?
Maybe it's just me. But I cannot comprehend that way of thinking and I hope that I never become that close minded and selfish. Am I passing judgment? Yes, I guess I am. But my feeling is this.
Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. If you want compassion, you must give it, if you want to be understood, than you must understand, and if you want to be loved in this great big scary world, then you must give love. We all reap what we sew. Nobody is exempt

You Never Know!

I went out last weekend and bought some art supplies. A couple of canvases, acrylic paints, brushes, glaze, and a painting knife.

I have NEVER painted before in my life. I am not what some would consider being artistic. I think that I am crafty and can decorate just about anything. But paint? I've never tried. But I have the overwhelming desire to do it! My family kind of laughed and said, "But you don't know how to paint". My reply was, "How do I know if I never tried?"

I am waiting for the perfect opportunity to take out my supplies and just do it. I have a vision of a cold or snowy day. I think that's when I'll attempt to make some art. I love colors, textures and shadows. Honestly? I could look at shadows all day long. I know that sounds strange. But there is something that fascinates me about them. It's as if it's an image that exists but cannot be touched. Sort of how I imagine God to be. I know he's there. I see him in his creations. He is the Sun, the sky, the trees, grass and flowers. But a shadow? It's so one dimensional and mysterious. I don't know. I just like them. Always have.

I wonder what I'll paint. I'm not planning on anything specific. Just totally random and abstract. I'll put paint on my brush. I'll use the colors that appeal to me the most that day. And I'll just start painting. Who knows. I could be the next Leonardo and just not know it yet!

ha ha. You never know!

National Enquirer

Am I the only one who cannot find this magazine anywhere? I went to Walbaums, Pathmark, CVS, Riteaid, a local stationary store. I went to so many places.
So I had a great idea. I could go online and search for articles published in the 9/22 edition. Guess what???? My printer is NOT working AGAIN! I managed to fix it last week. I thought that I would be safe. But I am not. I reinstalled the ink, reset the printer, rebooted my computer. And it's a no-go. This is a brand new ink cartridge too. I'm not happy right now about this. I depend on my printer a lot but it hasn't proved to be dependable this past week. I was even at the library today where I had the inclination to use their printer. But I said, "Nah, Why wouldn't mine work?" Another example of going with your gut instint.
So, I will try to find out where other people in class bought the magazine and follow their lead. Until then, I do remember what I read online. It was about McCains running mate. The Enquirer claims to have information on her having an affair with her husbands prior business partner. Is it true? Perhaps. Do I care? Not particularly. If we could sneak into the personal lives of every single person in America, we would find out about affairs and far greater crimes than that. Not to say I condone such a thing. Obviously it is wrong. However, one cannot judge the behavior or actions of another. Period. Sometimes things DO just happen. Like it or not. Human beings are prone to errors of judgement. It's very easy to slip into a safety net that feels warm and inviting when you are living in a war zone. Ask anyone who has lived in an unhappy marriage. Some stay for the "kids", others stay for the "status" a marriage brings, some stay in fear that if they leave, they will be deemed a "failure". Regardless, a broken marriage is tragic for all involved, but maybe it's all a part of a bigger plan, the greater picture. Maybe some people married the wrong person but only realized it after the fact. You think that doesn't happen? You're so wrong.
Bottom line is this:
Do not judge, or you Will be judged in the same manner in which you judge others. So my advice is, "Be gentle and kind and do not think you have all the answers, Because NOBODY does my friend, nobody"

THE GREAT DEBATE

OK, So the debate is over. What can I say. They both addressed their key points well. Each rebuttal was on point. My Father and Brother would want me to vote for McCain. But...........I don't want to see another Republican in the White House. I realize completely that neither party is perfect and each will make their fair amount of mistakes. However, this country is going up in smoke and we need the balancing act to take place RIGHT NOW. I've heard people talk about time lines in terms of biblical prophecy. They say the end of the world as we know it is destined to take place in 2012. What does that mean exactly? Does it mean that Satan will be let out of the pits of hell to reign on earth for 1000 years as Revelations state? Does this mean that the next elected president after this election will be the Anti-Christ and the idea of having a 1 world leader actually happen? Do I believe in any of this? I don't know. I've come to a point in my life that I believe in nothing but possibilities. I know from my own personal experience that one should NEVER say NEVER. I use to say, "I will never do this and that". But guess what? I have done plenty of things I never thought that I would do. I use to have judgements on certain situations because I judged in ignorance. Once you have an understanding of a circumstance, you tend not to judge or at least not so harshly. You honestly have to walk in someone Else's shoes in order to understand why they do what they do.
Anyway, Maybe it is the end of the world. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Doesn't nature die in order to be reborn with each new season? And don't we see just as much beauty in the red, browns and oranges of fall as we do in the green, pastels, vibrancy of the Spring?
What will be will be.
I'm not worried. I'm just trying to get through today
Peace

Cold

I cannot believe how cold it is today! I really hope this winter is not a bad one. I heard that the farmers almanac has predicted that the East coast will experience below average temperatures. I know that oil is slowing going down in price. But for those locked into a contract will not benefit from that.

PETFINDER.COM

Petfinder.com.............I just got home from school/COM101 class. Someone was talking about this website. So now i've been on it for an hour. I am so tempted to get another cat. This is the first time in my life that I am PET-LESS. I had two kittens that only lived to be 7 and 9. They were from the same litter. I named them Timmy and Emily because I don't know, the names just suited them. First Timmy died. Right in my arms at the VET. One minute he was fine. Next minute my poor Timmy was laying on the ground as limp as could be. I rushed him to the VET only to find out he had a blocked uretha and he was on the verge of a heart attack. I was in shock. I had no idea he was even sick. The VET asked me if he was using the litter box. He went into it all of the time and I cleaned it. I did not notice that he was not urinating. To this day I feel guilty for not knowing that he was sick. Then Emily. Two years later she stopped eating. Not all at once but slowly she wasn't eating as much. I took her to the VET and she had kidney failure. That was another shock. My poor Emily. Then my Mothers cat Tommy. He was the family pet. We had him for a total of 18 years. He basically just got very old and his organs started to fail. We put him to sleep because I couldn't bare watching him suffer. The poor baby would try his hardest to eat. But he couldn't hold anything down. Not even water.
Anyway. So now I feel like I want another pet. But is it to soon? Do I have the time to devote to a new pet? A dog? Definetly not, they require much more care than a cat. A cat can be left alone longer than a dog, you don't have to walk a cat and they are more independant by nature. I would love a dog. But my lifestyle is not adequate right now so I think it would be selfish to get one now. Someday. But not now. Oh boy. I really would love to get a new kitten. I am partial to long haired cats. Maybe i'll just leave well enough alone and wait until I am more stable. After I'm done with school I mean.
Oh well. It was fun looking on Petfinder though. All of these poor babies really need homes. I wish I could adopt every last one of them!!!!

THE LIRR's budget deficit

So regarding the economy. As I mentioned in one of my essays. I have worked in Manhattan. I took the LIRR every day along with the MTA Subway system. The LIRR rates were raised twice while I was commuting and the MTA once. I find it unbelievable that the LIRR talks about deficits in their budget yet we come to find out that Millions of dollars were spent by giving retirees unentitled disability benefits. I suspect this money would have closed the budget gap and maybe could have enabled the LIRR to make much needed repairs. I mean come on........I was paying close to $400.00 per month. That was a combination of the LIRR monthly fare and an unlimited Metrocard. How ridiculous it that? This is one of the problems with this country. These big corporations get away with doing stuff like this to the same people who use their services. If it weren't for the commuters their would be no need for a railroad and the state would be losing out on a lot of revenue. This is why we have laws isn't it? To maintain peace and morality.
There are so many things to be said about the state of our economy and the many different factors that affect it. You cannot pinpoint just one area where there is a problem. It is everywhere.

DO I THINK THE ECONOMY IS ON THE BRINK OF TOTAL COLLAPSE?

The title of this blog is what we wrote about and discussed in class today. Most people have the same idea of what's going on in this country. Of course you have the optimists who believe that every thing is fine. But I think it's safe to say that these people don't have much to worry about at this point in time. I'm sure their bank accounts are flowing over and they believe that they would be the last people to be jobless. But the sad fact of today is this. It does not matter what your title or classification is on the job front. Everyone is at risk. From the CEO's to the maintenance workers.

I've personally spoken to taxi cab drivers who worked on Wall St before 9/11. They lost their jobs, they were unable to find equivalent employment, and had no choice but to drive a cab if they wanted to eat. I applaud them actually. Because these people could have taken the WELFARE route. But they didn't. In my opinion a big factor in the state of this economy is due to Welfare and the thousands of Illegal immigrants working in this country, off of the books, contributing nothing to this country except more pollution from the cars that they drive and the energy that they use. I think it is disgusting that anyone can mooch off of our system. The one I pay taxes into. The one I have supported for all of my adult life. Will I be eligible for Social Security when I retire? I have paid into it and am NOW fully vested, so to speak, and I am only 34 years old. If I had a family and died tomorrow, they would all be taken care of. And well might I say.
How is it that someone can live here and not pay into the same system that sustains them? I am in no way saying that I am against someone coming to this country to make an honest living and give their families a better life. Because after all, isn't that what most of our ancestors intended when they crossed the oceans? Although some were forced to come here. That's another issue all together. But what I am saying is that if you are going to take advantage of the same privileges that I am entitled to as being a citizen of this country. They should do the same. Learn the primary language, work legally, pay taxes, and have some respect for the hand that feeds you. If you do not like it here or our way of doing things. Nobody is forcing you to stay. As a matter of fact, we'd like to see you go. Because it would help us get our school taxes down as we would not have to pay for the seats that your children occupy!!!!!!!!!
No other country would tolerate this. In some, you would be executed as soon as your foot landed on their soil. Here, everyone is given a chance to be a productive member of society. There is absolutely NO excuse for anyone to be taking advantage of kindness. This country is taken advantage of by many. And it is being tolerated. What happened to the American Dream? It died the moment people started to disrespect the land in which it was built.
Now I am not saying that this country is perfect. Far from it actually. We have our issues our problems and our short comings. But for Gods sake, no country is perfect. Why? Because human beings are running them. We are like faulty robots. I have issues with Washington BIG TIME. BUT..........overall, I am privileged to leave my home everyday and not be fearful that I may be shot or have a grenade thrown towards me. If I break the law, I am punished justly and fairly. I am not marched into the middle of town where I will either be stoned to death or hung. I have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE. What I will do with my body! I have the right to speak MY MIND. If I steal, My hand will not be CHOPPED OFF. I an free to do whatever I like. Nobody is telling me when I may leave my home or when I'm allowed to return home. I am thankful for being born in a country where ANYONE can get an education, ANYONE can work. Regardless of race, religion or disability. I work in a hospital that employ's able bodied people and disabled people. People in wheelchairs, blind people, mentally challenged people. So how dare any ABLE bodied human being say that they cannot work!!!! It's disgusting and they should feel ashamed of themselves. How dare you mooch off of a system that was created to help people when we were in a DEPRESSION.

Perhaps you'll be here for the next one. Thank you....Thank you for your contribution to another trauma we will pass on to our future generations!

The strong got off of that system as soon as the economy started to shape back up. The LAZY stayed on it and passed their way of life on the each generation that followed.
People on this system are enslaved by their own laziness
I however...............
I am free..................

Algebra

Ok. So Algebra has been driving me completely MAD. At one point in class I literally wanted to rip my hair out of my head. BUT........I told myself to breath and remain calm. Getting all excited would only make the situation worse and would cause the wall inside of my mind that is preventing me from learning to grow even bigger. So I called my friend Brian. He is a math genious! We got together at the book store and he really helped me understand a few key points. However....as we were sitting there I caught him looking at me a little bit longer than he should have and with an expression that i've seen many times before. I just knew we needed to have, "the talk". You know? The one where you tell another person, "I think that you're a great person, BUT.....I do not feel any chemistry between us". Basically that is what I told him. I apologized if I lead him on in anyway because believe me, That was not my intention. I'm 34 years old and by now I definetly know what I look for in the oppostie sex. It's not an exact look, or behavior. It's that "Thing" that makes your heart skip a couple of beats when you see them, the "Thing" that makes you feel like when you're with them that's exactly where you want to be. I can go out with as many men as I feel like. But I won't go on a second date if I'm sure that they are not the one for me. I realize that sometimes you have to give somebody a chance. But..........my gutt instincts have never steared me wrong. I have in the past went against my instinct and I regretted it every last time. I learned my lesson.
So now I suppose he won't tutor me anymore. He said that he will, but I suspect that he won't call me again. I think I hurt his feelings. But...........I can't help how I feel and i'm not going to do anything just to please another person. Especially if it goes against what I feel in my heart. I'm certainly not an Angel, but i'd never use someone for personal gain. I try my best to treat others as I would like to be treated.
So since I suspect Brian was only interested in one thing and it's not called "Algebra". I found some new resources online. I came across this awesome Algebra site that takes you through each step. It's written very well and is so easy to understand. I'm hoping that this gives me the insite that I need. I also got some information about the Math Lab on campus. I stopped down there today and got the schedule.
Soooooooo.........Knock and you shall find right???
Well i'm knocking.............

Time

I was thinking that maybe I should come up with a theme and stick to it for my blogging. But not one thing consumes my thoughts I suppose. What's been on my mind today is Algebra. I'm worried about it. I am having a tutoring session with a friend of mine tomorrow and hope that this is what makes it click. I get certain concepts. But there are things that are not making sense to me so it's not making a real connection. Practice makes perfect right?
I seriously should be asleep right now. But I have been up studing. Time goes by so quickly I just feel as if I don't have enough time to do everything that I need to do, never mind what I would like to do.
I'm hoping that by this time next week I feel confident in my Algebra skills. It would be such a relief to not have to worry about it.
Anyway, I got a good look at my car this morning. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I can live with it for now. I mean what's a car other than a mode of transportation. As long as I can get to and from from work and school, it's all good. I wonder how the woman I had the accident with is? I'm sure she's sick to her stomache over the damage on her car. If only she would have had insurance. Lesson learned for her I am sure.
Tomorrow is Friday. I use to love Fridays because the weekend was in my reach. But now each day just seems to blend into the next. I'll be so glad to have a few days off from both work and school. Thanksgiving break! I cannot wait.

Car Accident!!!!

Ok, so I'm driving to my Com101 class this evening. Minding my own business. I come to a spot on the road and see cars on the right stopped at a stop sign. I proceed with caution. Suddenly, just as I'm on top of the stop sign. This woman floors her car and goes through it. Causing me to slam into her car. I threw my car in park and jumped out of the car. She starts yelling that I was speeding. So, trying to stay as calm as possible, I said, "Hello???? You went through a bleeping stop sign". She starts to cry about how she didn't pay her insurance so that she could pay her tuition. I'm half listening to her and half worried about my car. I popped my hood, did not see any visible damage, I backed up my car to make sure nothing was leaking underneath and luckily it was not. I have some minor damage, but nothing I can't live with. I have a 96 Ford T-Bird so it's a pretty heavy car, Thank God. I smelled antifreeze and I'm pretty sure it was coming from her car. She has much more damage that I do. So I said, "Let me get my cell and call 911. Again, she started to cry that she has no insurance. So I thought about the situation. Since my car is a 96, I only have general liability, not collision. Therefore, If she has no insurance, I have no recourse anyway because my insurance wouldn't cover damage to my vehicle. What's the point in even reporting it to my own? My rates will go up, she will get in trouble for being uninsured, have her license suspended, cause much more stress that I care to deal with right now. And my car would still be damaged. So I took her information along with her name and number, I gave her my name and number also and told her if anything to give me a call. I feel bad for her because I understand the position she is in. It's a shame that people have to choose to either further their education or pay for their car insurance. Just like some people have to choose to either eat, pay for medication, or pay their rent/mortgage. It's disgusting that things are so difficult in this day and age. So many people cannot even manage a whole month without being stressed out over money. Stress causes so many problems, emotionally, physcologicly, and medically.
I'm glad that I wasn't hurt although I do have a headache and my back hurts a little bit. I guess that's normal when you slam into an immobile object. I'm lucky my head didn't hit the windshield. I'll be fine, she'll be fine. And tomorrow we'll each wake up to the reality of tonight when we take a good look at our cars in the light of day.

Death and the train

I thought all day today about what I would blog about. The stock market? The Jets losing once again? I read the papers every day. The Newsday for current events and the Post because it's easy reading and usually not about anything to serious. I got into that habit when I use to commute into Manhattan everyday. I plug in my IPOD, read the papers, sometimes take a nap, sometimes email with my Blackberry. Sometimes talk to whomever was sitting next to me. The trips usually went quick. But whenever there were problems with the trains, I use to feel like ripping my hair out sometimes. Once I was stuck on the train for 5 hours. Apparently, that time a train ahead of us went through a stop signal and hit a car. You wouldn't believe how many people actually commit suicide by jumping in front of a train or laying across the tracks. It happens so much more often than is reported on the news or in the papers. I cannot even imagine the state of mind a person needs to be in to end their own life. But to see a train coming at you, lights blaring, horn honking, the vibration of the tracks, the rocks being kicked up on top of you, Oh my God. Just laying there or standing there waiting for this gigantic machine to rip your body apart limb by limb. Graphic right? But that's exactly what happens. I wonder what they are thinking. Do they have one last rational thought and try to get up to escape but it's to late? Are their minds aware that their body is being ripped apart? I always wondered how long it takes for the brain to die once it is shut off from blood supply. I cannot even believe this is what today's blog has turned into. Death and dismemberment. haha. I have to laugh that this is even a thought of mine. I once heard, well I've heard this from several people, cops and fireman told me this. When a person is hit by a Subway train, their bodies get all twisted up like a pretzel, they do not die right away. However.........if they were to try to change the victims position or untwist him so to speak, he would die immediately. Because the only thing that is keeping him from bleeding to death is the pressure the position of the body is causing. Once released, all of the veins and arteries just collapse. They've said that they allow the person to make a phone call to say goodbye to their loved ones. Who would I call? My parents? My sisters?My brother? My best friend? The man I love? Would it be selfish to call because that call would last in this poor persons memory forever? Or would they be grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye? What would I say? I'm about to die as soon as they remove me from these tracks so I just wanted to say that I love you? My God, what a nightmare. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would NEVER take my own life. Partly because I believe it to be a selfish act and I have no right to take the life I have been given, and partly because I would NEVER put my loved ones in the position to mourn and wonder if they could have stopped it from happening, and partly because I'm just not ready. There is so much I have yet to accomplish, things I have yet to see, words that have gone unsaid. I consider life to be a gift and not something to take for granted. The simple fact that I can see, hear, feel, and taste amazes me beyond words and is so outside my ability to comprehend it's not even funny. The perfect mechanics of the human body, whether it be ill or not. It still works until it just breaks down and is deemed unrepairable.

Monday..................

So it's Monday. The beginning of a brand new work week. Every single Monday begins the same at work. I come in, walk to my desk and see the mess that the weekend staff has left behind. They honestly have zero respect from anyones workspace and show absolutely no professionalism. I was venting about it and my Director over heard. She agreed 100% and suggested I talk to the office manager. Perhaps I need to leave signs indicating a place for each pile of charts or work left on my desk. I thought I took care of this by adding a couple of in baskets on my desk. But they seem to overlook them and just pile everything up in no perticular order. So i'm intending to have a conversation with my boss when the opportunity presents itself. If there is one thing I have learned about interacting with people, it's that some subject matter needs to be addressed gently. And you have to know how to talk to people. Everyone is different and everyone interperts things in their own way. What I say may be meant one way but taken another way. I am not angry, just aggitated and I do not want my aggitation to come off as if I am just complaining or trying to cause trouble. After all, I have only been there for less than 6 months. So I am still the new girl. I think that if I present my problem the right way that she will agree and work with me to come up with a solution. What I would like to do is to post a great big sign that reads something like this
RESPECT MY SPACE AS I RESPECT YOURS, IF YOU WOULD NOT WANT ME COMING INTO YOUR HOUSE KICKING OFF MY SHOES, THROWING A NEWSPAPER ON THE FLOOR AND LEAVING MY FOOD AND DRINK ON THE COFFEE TABLE, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO THE PLACE I CALL HOME MONDAY THRU FRIDAY FROM 8-4. HAVE SOME RESPECT!!!!However, something tells me that this would not be an effective way to solve this problem and some diplomacy is in order. haha
It's amazing that grown human beings have yet to learn the importance of RESPECT...................

Never say never

O....K....
Today some of us read our hand written blog about the evolution of our blog. While some read their essays based around Robert Frosts poem, "The Road Less Taken".
Me? I was the last to read and I read my essay. Still I am not satisfied with my essay and found some errors before class when I read it for the 100th time. But it was to late to change anything so I'll just hope for the best. I started my essay the night it was assigned. Sometimes we can overthink things. I wonder what our next essay will be on, if it will be assigned or if we can choose the topic.
The week goes by so fast. Actually, Professor Kinsley said that she would like for their to be an 8th day of the week called, "Newday". I think that was what she'd call it. I think i'd like to call it, "Freeday". Regardless of the name, I wish so much that we could have one. Imagine a day with no agenda? One that is not allowed to us by the Government as in a government mandated holiday?
Anyway, it's not going to happen. haha. But It's good to dream and think of the possibilities. I don't play lotto very often. But if I do, I always dream of what I could do with my winnings. I dream about being free from all financial burdons, being able to give my family and friends the best life any of us could ever dream of. I imagine I would fedex an envelope to each of their jobs, Inside would be a great big, fat check and a letter. I would tell them, You're my friend/You're my family, you've stuck by me through all of lifes ups and downs. Now it's time that we take a deep breath, exhale, and set our burdons free!!!! Do as you wish, just do it being happy. Love ya! Oh man, how awesome would that be. I actually have a list of people. Some I don't have much contact anymore. For various reason. But love them still I do. Imagine how suprised someone would be if I hadn't spoken to them in some time all of a sudden received such an envelope? HaHa. Well, never say never. It could happen! Just like someone out there is going to magically give us an 8th day to play with...............

Never Enough Time in a Day

Date:09/14/08
Time:7:35
Place:Home

It's Sunday Morning and realized I missed another blog yesterday. Once again I will double up and hope that it makes a difference. I realized it at 1am after I was packing it in for the day. But 1am was Sunday not Saturday. I needed to go to sleep and couldn't even attempt to sit in front of my laptop because my eyes were heavy and my mind was blank. After my Algebra class yesterday, I came home and realized that my printer ink was dry. So I ran to the library only to be kicked off the computer before I was able to retype my final attempt at my essay. I ran to my friends house to use her computer/printer where we also had ink issues ha-ha. I was able to print it. But not completely happy with the result. The day just flew by so quickly.
I found out yesterday that FAIRFIELD PROPERTIES purchased the apartment and property that I live on. So many people are being forced to move by next month because they are on a month to month lease and their rent is being raised astronomically. One particular woman now pays $1,500 for a three bedroom and they raised the rent to $2,800. She of course has to move herself and her children. What single parent could afford that kind of rent? I am very worried that our rent will be raised and we will not be able to afford it. But, I am staying hopeful that it will be minimal and we could stay for at least another year or two. I left a job in Manhattan and took a very large pay cut in order to be able to go to College. Times like these I regret my decision, but I know it was for the best. I could not possibly make it to class because the trains are not at all dependable.
Fairfield is taking over Long Island in a big way. It's becoming a monopoly. They own practically every apartment complex now. I went online to do comparisons on the rents in different towns. This way I could get an idea of what the rate is around here, which is East Islip. It's pretty high. So I think we may have to move but like I said, I'm hopeful it won't be that bad. To move now would be a huge stress factor, economically and mentally. I need to feel at peace and settled to be able to study and remember every single detail of each assignment and what each professor expects of me. If only there were 8 more hours in a day. There never seems to be enough time. Well, it's time to get ready for English class

Gas and relationships

So what's the deal about the gas going up again???? It's finally going down and now IKE is going to make it go right back up again. I heard gas could go up 75 cents by tomorrow. I don't think the gas is ever going to go down to a reasonable rate. Oh well, such is life. We can't stop inflation and I just wonder if any president of the United States can help the economy. Doesn't look very promising.
Tonight I have to study for MATH/Algebra. I pray that I get it. It seems to enter my mind and only stay for an hour. But if I keep studing eventually it just has to stick right? I sure hope so. Well I missed my blog for the 10th and i'm still annoyed about that. I really was making an effort to have a blog entry every single day. But lack of sleep ruined by routine. For now on. As soon as I sit down in front of my laptop and am going to start my blog immediatly. This way I never get so tired that I just forget and fall asleep. Also i'm working on my Essay. Not happy with what I have yet but am hoping I can work on it until I am satisfied. The poem by Robert Frost is just beautiful. I'e read it before. But not enough to really grasp the concept of what he was saying. I mean really. Who hasn't been torn into going in onw direction over the other. Whether in career choices, relationships or a million other things. I tend to follow my heart which sometimes gets me into trouble. But I can't see making a tough decision unless it's something my heart desires. And like I said, that sometimes gets me into trouble and ends up not being the smartest decision. I've tried weighing out pro's and con's. But what does that tell you? Some things have to be fully experienced to figure out if it's right for you. And sometimes you experience something that doesn't work out. But that doesn't mean it was wrong. It's just something you were meant to experience. I don't really regret anything I have done. Every person, place and thing meant something and made me who I am today. I hate no-one, I hold no grudges and if I've loved someone once i'll love them forever. I'm not made out of the stuff that makes for revenge and grudges.
Funny how a blog starts out about gas prices and ends up about experiences. haha.
Ok. i'm signing off before this gets toooo deep.

Perfectly private

Date:09/12/08
Time:6:05am
Place:Home



Oops. I missed a blog entry yesterday. I'm pretty annoyed with myself for that. I went to work yesterday on two hours of sleep. I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I tossed and turn, stared at the clock until 4am. At 6am I had to get up and begin my day. Working was a complete struggle yesterday but I made it through the day. I kept telling myself when I get home I can just pass out and catch up on my sleep. And that I did. So although I am refreshed and ready to go. That doesn't make up for the fact that I missed a blog entry which is a daily assignment. I'm going to do two blogs today in hopes that it makes up for the missed one. But it may not because that doesn't make up for a missed day, just a missed blog.
This weekend I need to grab all of the seeds from my impatiens. I planted so many of them this past spring. My cousin came up with the idea because we payed a fortune for our flowers this year. We shopped around but ended up buying the most expensive ones at the last nursery we went to. I guess we just were tired of going from place to place. The seed pods are so strange. As soon as you pick them off, they burst open and the seeds falls out. So you need to remove them very gently and drop them into a cup. If you do it gently enough they won't burst until they are in the cup. But some of them were lost because they burst open to soon. What an amazing thing. The slightest touch could make them open up. When it happens it makes a popping sound and the seeds just spray out almost like a tiny little water hose. All my life I had no idea that this happened. I never even realized that these flowers had seed pods like that. It just boggles my mind how nature is so perfectly private sometimes. Things like thunder and lightening are so obvious and loud to all of us. But something as simple as flowers reinventing themselves is so quiet and private. I can't wait until I can plant them next spring to watch them grow all over again. I wonder how many seasons I will be able to keep planting seeds from these original plantings? It's as if they will remain through their own generations just like a family. They grew so fast and have gotten so big and beautiful. But fall is sneaking up on us rather quickly and soon they will see their last day. However, if I can get all of the pods or at least some of them. These very same flowers will have a chance to come back to life next spring. It's funny how you literally learn something new every single day If you choose to.
Well, now it's time to get ready for work.
I shall return later

Date:09/10/08
Time:9:40 PM
Place:Home

I am so glad to be home. I've been on the run since 7 this morning. Not a bad day, just tiring. Tonight I had my Human Communications class. We had a project where we had to bring in a picture of someone we know. Each student was randomly given another students photo. We had to judge each picture with however we perceived them. Not a good idea I don't think. Some of the judgements were very rude and unkind. Some opinions should never be spoken out loud. I suppose that's where maturity comes into play. A mature person would recognize the fact that their "true" opinion may hurt someones feelings or make them angry. Thus, the spoken opinion should be kind and not vicious or mean. These pictures were of other students sibling, parents, or significant others. It was a good lesson I suppose. And I hope the ones who spoke their unkindness felt like stuffing their feet in their mouths. I brought in a picture of my 8 year old Nephew. Because of the size of the class the teacher randomly chose a speaker. My picture wasn't addressed but I wonder what assumptions would have been made of him. The truth is that he is a gorgeous child, very intelligent. He loves Karate and is actually very good at it. He is very interested in history about War and the military. I'm not sure if I should feel proud of his desire to learn or worry about his possible career path. I just wonder what would have been said about him. I'm not sure how I would have reacted if it was a negative judgement. My instinct of course is to defend him. But diplomacy is an important attribute to affective communication. Ha Ha.
Hopefully this class is planting some seeds for a few of these students. My thought is you should always put yourself in the other persons shoes before rushing to rash judgements. Why would anyone want to intentionally offend someone else

Judging

Today was a crazy day at work. People arguing. Phone ringing like we are giving money away. Just plain crazy. It's surprising how people treat one another. I suppose all offices have the same type of people. Gossipers...............Every time I turn around someone is talking about someone yet they smile to their faces. I'll never understand that kind of behavior. I'll never understand how someone can hate in the dark but pretend to love in the light. It's a disappointment to me. To see grown adults act as if they have learned nothing in the years they have been given. Why is this?
We all judge. It's human nature. But I like to think that although I am guilty of this as well. I do try to see the good in people. We are all just trying to make it through this life with as little damage as possible. Not everyone is whom they appear to be. This I have learned. We all put up walls and fronts and hide what we really are to the masses. In fear of being judged. The exact reason as to why people judge. It's insane.

To be on the safe side

What a gloomy day it has been outside. Summer is almost officially over and fall is beginning to show it's face. I have an appreciatation for all of the seasons. But I missed out on enjoying the summer this year. I started a new job in April and have yet to feel comfortable in taking a day off. I'm not one to call in sick because it's always been my fear that I may really get sick one day and will need to have my time banked. I don't call in sick unless I know I am contagious.
It makes me laugh because a lot of people I know will wake up in the morning and just not feel like going to work. So they pick up the phone and put on a groggy voice with maybe a sneeze and a cough as they call their boss to tell them how sick they feel. Or they chalk it up to a mental health day. Which we all need from time to time. Lord knows we over extend ourselves and we just need a break every now and again. But I think i'll just continue saving my vacation and personal time for those kinds of days.
I once knew a woman who was in a very bad car accident. She suffered a compound fracture to her FEMUR bone. The largest bone in the body. Compound meaning that the bone actually split in half and pierced through the skin. Sounds like excruciating pain doesn't it? But luckily, she doesn't recall any kind of pain. I suppose your endorphins kick in when you suffer that kind of trauma and it just masks the pain. Anyway, she had so much banked sick time that she was able to take off of work for 3 whole months with out having to tap into short term disability. STD only pays about 66% of your salary. I don't know who could live on that for an extended period of time but I sure couldn't.
So to be on the safe side.
Don't take sick time unless it's absolutely necessary!

In The Name of Science

Date:09/08/08
Time:9:30 PM
Locations:Home

I am off to a late start on my blog today. But better late than never, as they saying goes.
I was disturbed by something I read yesterday in my Psych book. It was about experiments. An experiment was done using dogs. They put a dog in a small contained area. Almost like a box. The dog could jump from one side to the other. One side had a regular ground for footing, while the other side was a grate that could be electrified by the push of a button. When the dog jumped to the electrified side, they would zap him with a certain voltage. Obviously enough to hurt him because he would yelp and run to the other side. They did this continuously until the poor baby lost his will to survive. He became accustomed to being zapped and instead of trying to get away and jump to the other side, he would just sit there and whimper. Oh my God! I know that some people would speak from a scientific stand point and defend science by saying that experimenting on animals is for the benefit of humans. The experiment was to prove that everyone is adaptable and will learn to live in whatever situation they find themselves in. And eventually, every breathing being loses the will to fight if beaten down long enough. But my question is why did it take torturing a poor defenseless animal to prove something that is so obvious. I mean haven't these people heard of the Holocaust? Of slavery?Of children being kidnapped and forced to live and interact with their captors. Of prison inmates who adapt to their environment and forget what freedom feels, smells and tastes like, so they make prison their home, they form bonds and groups with like minded people, usually of the same nationality/religion/origin?
It just made me sick. It's funny how you can think a certain way your entire life and then open up a text book to be taught that things you would never, ever condone are being presented to you in such a way that perhaps you've been to idealistic your whole life. But I don't think so. A text book nor another human being can make me believe that torturing anything that feels, breaths and loves is acceptable. I cannot imagine God thinking that this is OK. Regardless of the cause. If I for instance decided to run an experiment on a random animal, I would be put in Jail and marked a lunatic for the rest of my life. But someone with DR after his name can do the same thing in a controlled environment "in the name of science".
There is such hypocrisy in this world

Sunday 09/07/08

Date:September 7Th, 2008
Time:12:52 P.M
Place:Home

This is my first of many blogs to come. Today I attended my first English 101 class. The day went well and we even got out an hour early today. We were assigned to write an essay in class titled, "What Is My Motivation". It could be focused on Suffolk Community College in general or the reason to take this specific class or the day in which we chose to take it. I got off track of the essays title. Which is usually the case when I write something. When I was younger. I use to write poetry. Oh man, how me and my best friend would sit around writing and reading to each other. We had so much to say back then. I think we REALLY believed that we would change the world. ha ha. But the world had other plans for us. It actually changed us. Sometimes we are given choices. And the choice we make will most certainly change the course of the rest of our lives. But even though we've both went through a lot of changes. One thing remains the same today as it did when we first met at 5 years old. Our friendship. She's the one person on this planet that no matter what happens. I can count on her. She's always in my corner even when I don't deserve for her to be. H0w lucky am I? I consider myself extremely lucky and grateful for having great friends and family.
I decided to create this BLOG as soon as I got home. This way I wouldn't get side tracked and I can rest knowing I completed one of the assignments.
The rest of the day will be filled with studying and internal dialogue trying to motivate myself to not become overwhelmed or discouraged. I have to keep in mind my main objective and keep the realization that there are much more difficult things that could be happening in my life besides juggling work, school and my personal life. If this is the worst of it right now. Then thank God for that!