Death and the train

I thought all day today about what I would blog about. The stock market? The Jets losing once again? I read the papers every day. The Newsday for current events and the Post because it's easy reading and usually not about anything to serious. I got into that habit when I use to commute into Manhattan everyday. I plug in my IPOD, read the papers, sometimes take a nap, sometimes email with my Blackberry. Sometimes talk to whomever was sitting next to me. The trips usually went quick. But whenever there were problems with the trains, I use to feel like ripping my hair out sometimes. Once I was stuck on the train for 5 hours. Apparently, that time a train ahead of us went through a stop signal and hit a car. You wouldn't believe how many people actually commit suicide by jumping in front of a train or laying across the tracks. It happens so much more often than is reported on the news or in the papers. I cannot even imagine the state of mind a person needs to be in to end their own life. But to see a train coming at you, lights blaring, horn honking, the vibration of the tracks, the rocks being kicked up on top of you, Oh my God. Just laying there or standing there waiting for this gigantic machine to rip your body apart limb by limb. Graphic right? But that's exactly what happens. I wonder what they are thinking. Do they have one last rational thought and try to get up to escape but it's to late? Are their minds aware that their body is being ripped apart? I always wondered how long it takes for the brain to die once it is shut off from blood supply. I cannot even believe this is what today's blog has turned into. Death and dismemberment. haha. I have to laugh that this is even a thought of mine. I once heard, well I've heard this from several people, cops and fireman told me this. When a person is hit by a Subway train, their bodies get all twisted up like a pretzel, they do not die right away. However.........if they were to try to change the victims position or untwist him so to speak, he would die immediately. Because the only thing that is keeping him from bleeding to death is the pressure the position of the body is causing. Once released, all of the veins and arteries just collapse. They've said that they allow the person to make a phone call to say goodbye to their loved ones. Who would I call? My parents? My sisters?My brother? My best friend? The man I love? Would it be selfish to call because that call would last in this poor persons memory forever? Or would they be grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye? What would I say? I'm about to die as soon as they remove me from these tracks so I just wanted to say that I love you? My God, what a nightmare. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would NEVER take my own life. Partly because I believe it to be a selfish act and I have no right to take the life I have been given, and partly because I would NEVER put my loved ones in the position to mourn and wonder if they could have stopped it from happening, and partly because I'm just not ready. There is so much I have yet to accomplish, things I have yet to see, words that have gone unsaid. I consider life to be a gift and not something to take for granted. The simple fact that I can see, hear, feel, and taste amazes me beyond words and is so outside my ability to comprehend it's not even funny. The perfect mechanics of the human body, whether it be ill or not. It still works until it just breaks down and is deemed unrepairable.